Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
