he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
