My first STD was from a foam party
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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