Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
