I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
