just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
