i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
