My underwear smells like fireworks.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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