Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
