dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
