Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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