I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
