yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
