Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
