you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
