i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
