Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
