i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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