and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
