I am spending my child support on dildos
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
