I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
