She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize