We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
