It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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