Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
