i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
