So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
