ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
