I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
