It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
