Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
