So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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