Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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