I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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