i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
