remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
