.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My vagina is very pro this idea
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
