So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
