I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
