'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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