What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
