if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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