I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
