Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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