i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
