she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
