Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
