He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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