Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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