I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
