Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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