so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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