we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize