My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize