I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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