Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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