Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
