finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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