I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
