I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
