Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
