took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
