Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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